The Golden Pickaxe
by xana-is-a-bich
Summary: A pickaxe story, read at your own risk.oneshot.T for language. It's in spanish! rofl...not really


**To all of you who read this:**

**Warning: Proceed at your own risk, I am not responsible for any side effects that may occur from reading this fic which may include but are not limited to: brain tomes, aneurisms, heart attack, respiratory arrest, coma, decreased iq, stupid comments, or death in the following ways: death by laughing, death by brain parasite or death by sonic diarrhea.**

**That being out of the way, I do not own Code Lyoko Or anything in it, I do not own home depot or the duct tape that it sells, and I like to my pickaxe fic, please keep all appendages Inside the vehicle at all times. Fasten your seat belts for the maiden voyage. **

**3…2….1…Ignition…Blastoff!**

**100 ft…200 ft…300 ft…40-BOOM! –the ship has exploded-**

**The crap that's in bold is what's happening in real life.** The stuff that's not bold is the stuff in the fic that's being written in this fic.

* * *

Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away…

**Delete, delete, delete.**

It seemed like a normal day at kadic academy. Until… Odd started playing with matches…

**"no, no"**

**Delete!**

Jeremy suddenly burst out singing, "I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and GAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY!….."

**"No, God damn it"**

**DELETE, God damn it.**

**I start banging my head so hard on the keyboard that I don't notice my brother, Mark walk in with a brown bag from chipotle.**

**"WACHA DOIN?" He yells in my ear so loud that I fell off of my chair.**

**"Fanfiction," I yelled, as I got up and snatched the bag, pushing him over.**

**I opened it, revealing that there was a taco inside, I grabbed it and immediately took a bite.**

**"Hey, that's mine!"**

**"It's mine now." I said, taking another bite. "so, what are you doing up so early? It's not even eleven yet."**

**"I donno"**

**"Whatever, I need to get back to writing this now"**

**"I KAN HELP" he yelled in my ear, making me start choking on my taco.**

**"Heimlich!" he compressed his hands over my abdomen and the piece of taco flew out.**

**"Ok, Ill bite, how can you help?"**

**"I read katfish's pickaxe story and know eight of the ten rules for writing a pickaxe story."**

**"ok then"**

It was another normal day at kadic academy, the sun was shining, the birds where singing, people where running and screaming because of the latest xana attack. This time, it was sheep, not normal sheep, but _EVIL _sheep. How where they evil you may ask, well, we all know that sheep are fluffy, buy can you imagine sheep that are _too _fluffy? Think about it, just touching their pillowy softness could put you to sleep instantly.

The lyoko gang had just gotten Aileta to the tower.

A giant white bubble engulfed the town and everyone heard a tape recorder rewinding.

It was 3 hours ago again In Jeremy's room, the gang was having a meeting.

"whew, another failed xana attack" Jeremy said from his computer.

"yeah," Ulrich said.

"I still cant believe that you kissed-" Jeremy was cut off by Ulrich who kicked him so hard that he landed on the moon.

"Impossible!" Jeremy exclaimed. "The moon really is made of cheese."

He than fell back to earth because gravity is weird.

**"Rules number one and two, someone must be kicked all the way to the moon and than say that it is made of cheese." Mark said.**

**"OKKKKKKKK…"**

A priest suddenly walked up to Ulrich and said "Thou shelt not eat the lord's donut." before he exploded. Odd kneeled and started to pray for forgiveness.

"So, Ulrich, who did you kiss?" Yumi asked, raising her eyebrow.

Ulrich turned red and pulled a chicken out from behind his back. "I love you, chicken!" He exclaimed.

Yumi snatched the chicken and ran off.

"Hey, come back with my chicken!" Ulrich yelled, running after her into the hall.

**"Rules five and six, Someone must have a chicken and someone must steal it thus making the owner say 'come back with-'"**

**"What have you been smoking?"**

**"Pie…"**

This only left Odd and Aileta in the room.

"Hey Aileta," Odd said, "you wanna hear a dirty joke?"

"uhhhhh"

"A pig was rolling around in the mud!"

**"Seven and eight, someone must say a 'dirty joke' and it must be really stupid like so."**

Aileta pulled a huge hammer out of no where and hit odd with it.

"Tacos!" Odd yelled.

Jeremy's computer turned into a tomato.

**"Oh damn it, we lost control."**

**"Just click the X in the corner."**

**The x began dodging the curser. "I cant," I said.**

**"When in doubt," Mark said, "Control Alt Delete."**

Jeremy appeared and yelled "My computer is pie!"

"You know what that means." Ulrich replied.

"IT'S PENUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!" Yumi and Aileta Yelled.

**"The program is frozen." I said.**

**"What about Alt F4?"**

**"I can't stop it."**

Odd pulled an elephant out of his pocket and lit its tail on fire. Suddenly they where all outside and the elephant was a firecracker.

**"Unplug the computer!" Mark said, getting frantic.**

**I got on my hands and knees and unplugged the computer.**

**"No use, it's still on." Mark said.**

It began raining lemons and apples with a side of mayo.

**"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" I yelled. "You can't eat lemons with mayo."**

"I like chicken I like liver Meow mix meow mix please deliver," Kiwi started singing.

Yellow cats started running around them and they where in Rome.

"Look at the pretty Iguanna-Dog," Odd exclaimed, pointing at a rock.

"Pretty," Ulrich said.

**"There is only one more thing that we can do." I said.**

**"No, not that!" Mark exclaimed.**

**"Yes, that," I said, "to the explosives locker!"**

_3 minutes later..._

**"Now that that's over, IF YOU _EVER _TOUCH MY COMPUTER ANGAN, ILL SHOVE YOUR HEAD SO FAR UP YOUR ASS THAT YOUR OWN MOTHER WON'T RECOGNIZE YOU!"

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Thank you and good night people.**


End file.
